Observations Made by Those over 50

1.God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the goodfortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

2. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

3. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All-Bran.

4. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

5. If all is not lost, where is it?

6. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

7. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

8. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

10.Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

11.It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

12.The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.

14. It's not hard to meet expenses… they're everywhere.

15. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

Maxine, the wise one…. Ya just gotta love her!

Here are some of Maxine's “Quotable Quotes”

1.Maxine on Driver Safety: “I can't use the cell phone in the car.I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.”

2. Maxine on Lawn Care: “The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular & shirtless.”

3. Maxine on Work: “My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards.”

4. Maxine on the Technology Revolution : “My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice.”

5. Maxine on Aging: “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita.”

6. Maxine on Being an Employee: “I'm not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.”

And my personal favorite…

7. Maxine on Diet: “My soul's had enough chicken soup. It wants some chocolate!!”

Things only a nurse would say:

1. Sag, You're it.

2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

3. Twenty questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

5. Simon says something incoherent.

6. Hide and go pee.

7. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.

8. Musical recliners.